Published September 10, 2009
Ok so here's how it goes :
Remind me not to blink
Coz' everytime I think
It's you
The colour of you eyes
The way you disguise
Your feelings.....
Chorus:
Now the pains come back to you
There's nothing you can try to do
Just promise that
You won't wait for me.
Your falling down
away from the sound
Of hope
How can I trust
THe way you feel
Inside?
Chorus:
Now the pains come back to you
There's nothing you can try to do
Just promise that
You won't wait for me.
Bridge:
Oh now I'm falling
And i'm waiting
There's nothing that I can try to do.......
Ok so tell me what you think! Feel free to tear it to pieces! 
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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This song sounds pretty good. I think the rhyming was very good. Though I think that you need to change only one thing here.
1. You don't have to tell us if something is chrous, we can fighuer that out.
Well I also did not really like the thing. I don't like songs about broken love.
Oh well this was still a good song Keep it up!
Good song; gives the impression of something... whats it called, rock times pop equals actually good music? Power pop? Wakarenai.
It seemed kind of short though; I mean, unless the bridge is long and all, unless there's a long intro, it's a bit small. I know, I know, I'm one to talk, but... yeah.
Shouldn't that be:
?
I would say that 'away from the sound of hope' should be just that; one sentence. Its not like there is an ultimate rule of no more than five words in any sentence, that if you break it you will burn a slow agonizing death. Sorry, where was I?
Yeah, its a great song. I liked it. Just had to nitpick a bit.
Firstly...
Good job!! I really liked this song!! It has a good rhyming pattern as it is not AABB, like some other songs.
However, there should be more obvious gaps between your first chorus and second verse - I didn't understand it until I read further down to the bridge.
And also the "i'm" should be capitalized x
All in all, however, I'm impressed. Sounds like my kind of style!! Great job x
Keep writing!!
Pgsgirl x
First.... More verse! With all due respect most pieces, mainstream or not normally have at least 3 verses, sometimes 2 but they repeat the first in the end to get 3. you have 1.
I dunno. I think you should ditch the "try" word. It feels unnecessary.
otherwise everything seems to be ok.
I liked the song but I wasn't sure was this a rock, pop or indie/rock song.
But I'll make the assumption that this was rock from your profile picture.
Keep up the good work.
Lord Anzius Wuz Here!
Hi, Insanaca! Welcome to YWS! I'm Hawkie, and I'll be reviewing you today.
This part doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Is the narrator saying that she sees this person whenever she blinks? If so, I'd clarify it by saying "'Coz everytime I do I think it's you."
This is grammatical and nit-picky, but "I'm" should be capitalized.
Overall
Hey, cool song.
^^ That's my favorite part.
Nice job and keep writing!
-Hawks-